Uncle Joey’s Guide To Prison Life: Episode 1: Gangs Part 1

Well, life seems to be this truly complicated game, kind of like Grand Theft Auto. It’s comparable to that mission on San Andreas where you had to kill Big Smoke but couldn’t beat without the cheat codes. Yep, your Uncle Joey loves GTA. Unlike Grand Theft Auto however, life doesn’t have cheat codes like up, up, down, down, B to bail you out of trouble. You won’t respawn in front of the local police station, trust me, I tried. See in the real world you actually go to jail and you may possibly graduate to prison. But there’s no need to fear Uncle Joey is here!!! Now its rules and regulations to these places kids, just like there are rules in the wild jungles. So sit back and let your Uncle Jo-jo guide you through the do’s and don’ts of the joint. Who knows, they may help someone you know one day.

First and foremost you must understand that like I said earlier, its rules to the bug house that the admin doesn’t make. It’s a system to how things run, kind of like circle of life out of The Lion King. Except everyone is a hyena or Scar. In school, remember how you had the cool kids, the jocks, weenies, preps, and your classic bunch of weirdo’s? (Some of you may have fallen into the latter category, it’s no hard feelings.) Well in prison we’ve got gangs, a lot of gangs! Bloods, Crips, GD’S, Vice Lords, Latin Kings, AB’s, Ghost Face, Piru’s, Goodfellas, even a group called the Chain Gang Crackers, no lie or exaggeration. Within themselves they have their own rules and structure. Let’s start off with the gang’s then move on to other affiliations and groups. First up is the infamous Blood gang. Remember all the prison movies that depicted all prisons as the image of California prisons? FORGET IT!!! We are in Georgia!!! Now don’t take me the wrong way because Uncle Joey is getting to old to beat up young punks such as yourself. These are some bad ass dudes but hey, my opinion is my opinion. So like I said, we got Bloods up first. Uncle Joey has seen these guys in action multiple times. They are like Japanese samurai who just so happened to be infatuated with the color red. Now, granted every time I saw them in action it was looking over my shoulder as I ran in the opposite direction to safety. Call it what you want but you won’t call me dead! They are like African King Cobras, sure you can charm it, but eventually you’ll get bit. Same goes for these guys, they will kick it with you, laugh and joke. Next thing you know you’re under the bed tied up and your picture is going straight to grandma as a Christmas card. Let me tell you about this one guy who things didn’t work out for. It was about his first or maybe second day in the joint. So yeah, he’s scared. Not your average “I’m scared but I won’t show fear”, nope, he was your, “Oh my God I’m in prison, whatever shall I do” scared.  Rule #1 kids, don’t show fear. The bloods helped him adjust and subdue the fear that oozed out of him, calling his loving family for him, even broke bread with him. You all may be thinking, “That doesn’t sound so bad”…….as my grand pop used to say shiddddd. Now is the time for me to let it be known that Uncle Joey is not a bad guy. I went and had a little chat with our friend and do you know what the little bastard told me? “Fuck off dad, you smelling up my room with mothballs”. Well hell, fuck you to, is what I thought as I walked off. So that next store day is when reality wake him up, as well as me in the process. His room is right next to mine and I can hear everything through a connecting vent. Mannnnnnn!!!!!!! One minute I’m sleeping, the next I thought I was listening to a radio broadcast of New Jack City!! You all know that part where Nino had G-Money on the roof begging him not to kill him? That’s what it sounded like next door except I knew they wouldn’t take it that far. All I heard was “Please, please, I thought we we’re friends!” Hell, at one point I thought he was gonna break out and chant “CMB, CMB!!! We all we got!!” Instead this fool said, “Am I my brother’s keeper?” In which they proceeded to beat his ass and say “Yes…….I…….Am.”  Now is the part where I ask what did you kiddies learn today? Well? Hopefully you all weren’t digging out wedges and picking noses. The morale of the story is, Don’t……Fuck……with the Blood gang!!!”

About Author: Tarious J likes Doritos Los Tacos, Taylor Swift, The Dresden Files, and all inspirational books. One moment he will be totally succumbed in the land of wizards (Not Harry Potter wizards they are too soft!) the next diagnosing an individual with personality disorder for interrupting his peace time. A native from Atlanta who’s life goal is to run for President and nominate a volleyball named Wilson as his VP. It would be no different than our democracy today.